mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
