Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
