and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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