Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
