Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
