Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
