Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
