I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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