got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
