Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
