i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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