I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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