the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
