Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
