he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have fence marks all over my body
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
