i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
