I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
