all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
