dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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