He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
