i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
