apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
