How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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