Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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