I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
