Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
