PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
