im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's never too late to be topless.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
