I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
