He uses pillows to masturbate.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
