My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
