eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
