i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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