Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
