Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
