2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
