My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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