i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
