I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
