Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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