Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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