I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
