HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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