Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
