She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the barista slut.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
