she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
