Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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