i just google imaged poop.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
operation harelip BJ is a go
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
