Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
