We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
