How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
