i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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