All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
